{"id":1896,"date":"2009-03-24T10:57:00","date_gmt":"2009-03-24T10:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/projects\/horsesforsources\/being-middle-seated-all-the-way-to-orlando\/"},"modified":"2009-03-24T10:57:00","modified_gmt":"2009-03-24T10:57:00","slug":"being-middle-seated-all-the-way-to-orlando","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.horsesforsources.com\/being-middle-seated-all-the-way-to-orlando\/","title":{"rendered":"Being middle-seated… all the way to Orlando"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Orlando\" You may recall the classic post \u201c<\/em>Being middle-seated in the back-row<\/em><\/a>\u201d. Well, I think I can go one worse\u2026 by being middle-seated all the way to Orlando<\/a> (gasp). Yes, I was stuck in hell all the way to purgatory…or was I stuck in purgatory all the way to the gates of hell?<\/em><\/p>\n

Orlando is my version of a very, very bad dream: a world where you can actually buy a fake Guinness in a fake Irish pub, and get stuck behind entire families in lengthy queues where the kids start at 220lbs\u2026 you never normally ever see people like this, but somehow Orlando acts as a magnet for over-sized, under-cultured plasticity.  Seriously, why bother with Guantanamo for interrogations? Just lock suspects in Epcot for a couple of days and we\u2019ll find out who killed JFK, which Ritz-Carlton Osama Bin Laden resides in these days, and even where Bernie stashed his $50 billion\u2026\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

It is also the peculiar venue of choice for several industry conferences \u2013 year after year. And as hard as I try, I always seem to get routed back here every year for my annual bout of misery and ghastliness. So here are some other ghastly life experiences that come to mind when trapped in this 3-hour predicament:<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n

My one (and only) visit to Jacksonville <\/p>\n

Dave Lee Roth bringing in 4th July with the Boston Pops (if you saw it, you\u2019ll know\u2026)<\/p>\n

Every minute I have to listen to Simon Callow (a disgrace to the British race)<\/p>\n

Donald trump\u2019s fringe (how does he do that?)<\/p>\n

My one (and only) visit to an Olive Garden (was 16 years\u2019 ago, but never again)<\/p>\n

Sheratons (ugh)<\/p>\n

The day Johnny Damon shaved off his beard and turned up at a Yankees press conference (how could he do that?)<\/p>\n

Awards ceremonies for outsourcing vendors (take your pick)<\/p>\n

Bill O\u2019Reilly (why?)<\/p>\n

Hancock (what happened there?)<\/p>\n

PF Changs (help)<\/p>\n

LaGuardia airport (seriously\u2026)<\/p>\n

Trying to use Microsoft Office apps on a Mac (drives you bonkers\u2026)<\/p>\n

The London Underground (years and years of purgatory\u2026)<\/p>\n

Getting up at 4.30AM to be middle-seated\u2026. All the way to Orlando <\/p>\n

p.s. no offence intended to citizens of Orlando… just having some fun at your expense \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You may recall the classic post \u201cBeing middle-seated in the back-row\u201d. 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